Pondering life

I find that there are some times in life when I feel like I'm in auto-pilot just strolling along and enjoying whatever is thrown my way. Then there are times when I find myself psycho-analyzing my life and wondering if I'm really happy where I am and what I'm doing. Should I chalk this up to turning twenty-eight in a few weeks? Or could it be that there is something that is fundamentally lacking and/or wrong? I keep telling myself that I'm happy where I am in life and that I have a lot going for me. I'm starting to doubt myself.

I am a very independent person and always have been. I think that it comes down to power and control and how I always feel the need to have it. This is something that I've been working on for a long time and continue to do so today. It can be challenging at times with my friends who can be indecisive and can't make up their minds (I always find myself stepping up and taking charge in these situations), though if I'm given the opportunity to allow someone else to make the decisions and have the control, I'm all for handing over my keys and riding shotgun.

Is it time that I finally try to settle down? I've always told myself that I'm too motivated and selfish to share my life with a special someone. I've predicted that I'll be thirty-nine, single, and enjoying life, and then I'll be forty, single, and miserable. While I'm not yet thirty-nine or forty, I'm slowly starting to get up there, and don't want to be the jaded, bitter single person that I see in others. I need to learn how I can slowly let down the barrier that I've built around myself (both physically, mentally, and emotionally). I have a feeling that once the barrier is down (or at least begins to fall), then everything else will fall into place. I need to quit hiding behind my weight and start taking care of myself.

There are a few other things that I need to discover about myself that, when combined with me letting down my guard, will (hopefully) allow me to live the life that I've been yearning. While I don't know what exactly it is I want, I'm hoping that I'll know it when I see it (or perhaps feel it?)

Open mouth, insert finger

I just wanted to send a _SHOUT OUT_ to The Lizard for seductively sucking the chocolate off of my finger tonight during dinner at The Melting Pot. It was pretty hot and sexy.

Hopefully it was as good for you as it was for me. If anything, we sure did put on a show for those people around us. LOL!

Closeted BB freak!

Hi! My name is James and I am a BB7 addict.

OK, now that I got that off my chest, I feel SO much better. Should I feel ashamed for being such a closeted fan? I don't think so, but a few of my friends who do know this about me think that I'm crazy and out of my mind.

I don't know what has overcome me these last six weeks. I cannot stop reading about what is going on in the Big Brother house. I have become addicted. Don't get me wrong: I'm not as addicted as I was last year (I was watching the live Internet feeds during every waking moment) when it consumed my entire summer. This year, with the help of MortysTV, Joker's Updates, and YouTube I'm able to read about about all the goings on and watch the juicy clips.

What do I think about all the goings on currently? Well, I'm glad you asked! I've been rooting for my girl Janey from day one (I absolutely LOVED her last year and love her even more this year, though she has definitely toned her comments down). I am absolutely pissed at James for being so back-stabbing and conniving as he has been (and so damn two-faced!) towards everybody in the SOV alliance. I'm really hoping that he is going home today.

As for Janey's showmance with Will, I hope that she isn't really falling for him and is instead playing him to get ahead in the game. Will is absolutely brilliant with his game play. I think he has every move calculated (well, perhaps thought that he had every move calculated until Janelle came along). I hope that Janey's feelings for him are strictly to help her along in the game. She is too good of a player to go down in Big Brother history as trusting Will and her love for him only to get stabbed in the back. Nobody puts baby in the corner! HA! No, seriously, Janelle was *SO* lucky to win the POV, otherwise I think she would have going home this week.

I'm excited for September 12th to come around so we can learn who takes home the $500k and the title of Big Brother All-Stars winner, and not to mention that I'll also get my life back!

Technical difficulties

WTF is up with blogger today? And WTF did my shit go!?

T minus 32 days and counting

Mexico, here I come! Well, almost. I am counting down the days until I am greeted with warm temperatures and drinks by the pool. Who knows? This year I may actually _read_ a few books instead of just listening to them on my iPod. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm too lazy to turn the pages. Besides, I need to make sure my eye-lids get some sun, too, right? LOL!

With the exception of going into town one day for some shopping and ATV riding, I'm hoping the rest of the trip will be one of rest, relaxation, and a constant margarita buzz. I'll have a bartender's margarita; hold the salt, please! I can already taste them now.

Should my mom get to be too much to handle, I'll probably come back and need another vacation to recoup from the one from which I just returned. Oy!

New colors and layout

Hey, bitches! I've been playing with the new Blogger and some of their new page layouts and came upon this one. I know it's not as bold of a statement as my old black background, but I think this livens things up. Don't you think?

Comments welcome.

Okay, okay, it wasn't _THAT_ bad

I have to admit that the wine party tonight wasn't as bad as I was expecting. It was miraculous how well Rachel and Brandon behaved. I was *SO* bitter leading up to the party that I was in a really sour mood when I arrived. It took a little while for me to open up, and after an hour or so I started to feel bad for being such a dick. I was sitting across the table from Rachel and kept looking at her and thinking to myself:

"Why can't you just let her know that you have a problem with her? Why are you plotting things behind her back? You're such a fucking pussy. You need to either be straight up honest with her or drop your baggage."

There were only a few instances which her and Brandon had their little tiffs, so I was happy. I actually found myself contemplating on whether or not I should have the Col Solare vertical down there anyway and perhaps include both of them (even though Brandon doesn't drink wine, Kelly and Johan had set him up with three different Alaskan Ambers for him to drink while the rest of us enjoyed our pinot noirs--which I thought was a GREAT idea).

I'll let you know what I decide; I'm still on the fence.

Porcella Urban Market

Last night I joined several friends for a wine dinner at a new place in Bellevue. Porcella Urban Market is a restaurant/market that focuses on European cuisines and wines. There were only ten people in attendance for the dinner. Some unfortunate couple got stuck at the big table with us. I think they had a good time, though, as we did everything we could to involve them in our group. The food was fresh and delicious. We had an amuse buche that included duck confit on a baguette; melon wrapped prosciutto (YUM!); roasted pork tenderloin with some fresh figs; olive oil infused salmon with a reduced parsley sauce and fig; and for dessert we had a bread and butter pudding with fresh raspberries. Very delicious.

Afterwards we had a post-funct in Clyde Hill. It was really nice to share great food, wine, and conversation with some great people. Hopefully this is something that we may do again in the near future.

If you're in Bellevue (near old Main Street) and are hungry or are looking for something different to make at home, stop by Porcella Urban Market. Don't be surprised if Kelly (the very friendly and skilled owner) is the one that is helping you out!

Cheers!

Pity party of one

Your fucking table is ready.

Vince Vaughn is one funny bitch

I'm finally just now getting around to seeing Wedding Crashers. I can definitely see what all the hoopla was about--it's an absolutely funny movie. Vince Vaughn makes the movie. He is such a great improvisational actor, and his timing is perfect. The following is from two excerpts in the movie that I don't think I can ever forget!

Ahh... Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested, but I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested, but now she's not interested, so now all of a sudden I'm getting... I'm started to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door 'cause then it's awkward? It's like, well, goodnight. Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug eachother like this and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close or just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while your just really want to know are we going to get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions. And perhaps play a little game called just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels or ouch ouch you're on my hair.

And

She's good. I mean, I believed that she was a virgin. It hurts to be lied to like that. It's a horrible feeling to feel that way. But I, you know, was looking to take advantage of something too. So could I really feel that bad? It's not like I was who I was. You know what I'm saying? So, fair play. And let's be honest with each other here, okay? Let's put all the cards on the table. She's fit for a straitjacket. This broad's fucked three ways toward the weekend. And you wanna know what? I dig it! It turns me on! Yeah! It turns me on! Because you wanna know what the kicker is, Father? Maybe I'm a little fucking crazy! That's right! Maybe Jeremy's a little nuts. Maybe there's something about me that I'm a little cuckoo. I know it's a surprise. I know it's not on the surface. I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid and his name was Shiloh. We used to play checkers with each other every day and bless his heart, Shiloh'd always let me win! And that ain't normal. There's something odd in that but maybe that's what it takes to make you feel like you're connected with somebody. I don't know! But I know when that redhead starts getting kooky that something about me feels alive inside! I'm diggin' talkin' with ya. You're a really enlightened cat and I like that about ya. I think you're a special special man. Okay, come in for the real thing. Get in here for the real thing. You're a sweet man.

LOVES her

Last night's live HOH competition showed Erika winning the HOH. During the competition, it looked like there were some technical difficulties: Howie was eliminated as he supposedly didn't buzz in, when in all actuality, he did and we saw him, as was the case with Boogie, who wasn't called out for it. I think Howie did some complaining and they re-did the HOH competition, and, guess who won? JANELLE! She's my girl and I was sad to see that Erika won the HOH (we all know that she's gunning for Janey), so it's nice that the tables are now turned. Hopefully the coup d'etat that somebody wins won't mess up her nominations--OR allow them to put the HOH on the block instead.

I hope my Buxom Blonde makes it to the end! Go Janey!

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I'm *SO* pissed right now that I could just spit. Why is it that I am unable to make my own decisions without having to justify them to everybody or feel like I'm being an asshole? I am so SICK and TIRED of people expecting me to explain myself whenever I make a decision with which they may not agree.

Case and point: Kelly and I had planned on having a Col Solare (wine) vertical tasting. Beings as the Col Solare retails for $70/bottle and we were planning on tasting years 1995 through 2003, we agreed that we would invite those who would be able to enjoy such a wine (for those who may not have a great appreciation for fine wine wouldn't be able to distinguish between a $10 bottle of wine versus a $100, etc). Since I was going to provide the wine, Kelly agreed to provide the venue and the food. We set a date and as we were confirming the times, Kelly threw me a curveball.

Let me give you a little history before I continue my rant. Some of you may have heard about my camping trip a month or so ago. Patrick was coming back to Seattle from Arizona and wanted to go camping. He was pretty specific in that he didn't want another friend from PLU--Rachel (not to be confused with the Rachel that reads this blog and comments, she's much cooler)--to join us on our camping trip and requested that each of us not mention it to her. She's dating this guy named Brandon (who, to give full credit, is a nice guy) and she has him _so_ whipped. We've all grown tired of listening to the two of them together when doing functions within our group. For instance, the first time the two of them came to a wine tasting, Rachel and Brandon were fighting over whether or not Brandon liked red wine. He kept saying, "No, Rachel, I don't like red wine," while she kept nagging him, "Yes, Brandon, you do. I KNOW you do." Uhm, excuse me here, but wouldn't HE know whether or not he liked red wine? This is just a tip of the iceberg in terms of how annoying they are in public. Another example of their dysfunctional relationship: whenever they are in public, Brandon doesn't speak to the group, he'll whisper into Rachel's ear his opinion or something to say only for her to put her own spin on things and then say his opinion. SO annoying. Needless to say, Rachel found out about the camping trip before it happened and had a cow when she realized her friends (more like Patrick) were plotting behind her back (too bad she still thinks it was Kelly's idea to hide everything when it was really Patrick). Needless to say, not only did she invite herself camping, but she brought Brandon. After I calmed down from the idea of spending a weekend with the dysfunctional couple, I thought that this might be a good time to get to know Brandon a little better, and perhaps get him to get out of his shell (wouldn't you think spending 72 continuous hours with somebody would get them to open up, right? wrong!), but he wouldn't budge. It was the same old shit. Perhaps it's me being judgmental, but it just drives me crazy. I do not enjoy myself when I'm around them. Period.

So when I got the email from Kelly on Wednesday asking me if I minded if she invited Rachel (and by affiliation, Brandon) to the Col Solare vertical, I didn't have a good feeling. When Kelly and I had our original discussion about the vertical I specifically mentioned that I wouldn't want to waste the wine on Rachel (who enjoys wine, but doesn't really have an advanced palette). She told me that Rachel was over on Tuesday and wanted to do something with Kelly on the 19th and Kelly found herself dancing around the issue and didn't want to continue to hide this behind Rachel's back (and since we're having the party at Kelly's house, I can definitely see her point and understand that she is stuck in the middle). I asked Kelly to invite Rachel on the 19th and that we'll just make it a regular wine tasting party. Unfortunately I don't think that Kelly understood my reasons for not wanting to have the Col Solare with Rachel and Brandon in attendance. The bottom line is that I DO NOT want to part ways with several hundred dollars of wine at a party where I will NOT have any fun. I don't have ANY problem in bringing a $20 bottle of wine to party where I'm all fake and could really give a shit about what is going on. AM I BEING COMPLETELY FUCKING UNREASONABLE HERE?

Ultimately I'll eventually have the CS party at my place with the guest list of my choosing. I'm not directly friends with Rachel (the only time I've ever hung out with Rachel with just the two of us is when Kelly was in France; all of the other times it's been when I've been with Kelly) so I don't really mind not inviting her.

I really wish I could just get over my issues with Rachel and Brandon. Unfortunately everybody else just tolerates their behavior and then talks about it behind their backs (I can only imagine what comments may be said about me behind my back with regard to this latest "episode"). I can't just sit idle and be all fake and shit to their face. It would be completely different if I have something invested in my friendship with Rachel, but I really don't. Does this make me a bad friend? I've always been up front with my friends and speak my mind--if I have a problem with you, I don't have a problem in letting you know, and I would expect that it works both ways.

I will now get down off my fucking soapbox. UGGGGGGGGH.

Goings on

I have today and tomorrow off of work. I have had a few things on my to-do list that I've been trying to get done for the last few months and haven't got them done, yet. Unfortunately I wasn't expecting to wake up yesterday with a sore throat, so I've been battling hot/cold flashes with dizziness and lack of concentration. It only worsened this morning.

The one item that I had my mind on absolutely needing to acquire was a dresser for my bedroom. I've been searching high and low for a dresser forever and decided that today was the day that I'd finally purchase one. I went to three stores this afternoon and the third one was the winner. I'd been to Dania a few times prior and found a few that I liked, but I must have overlooked the one that I bought today as had I seen it in there before, I would have bought it in a heartbeat. I'm so excited. It'll be here on Thursday. The color is an exact match to my bed, which was a complete surprise!

*SNAP!*

Is it too much to ask?

I went down to the new wine bar down from my apartment tonight with a few friends. We got to talking about expectations. They both found it odd that I have reasonable expectations for restaurants/bars/stores that I frequent and expect a decent level of customer service. For example, I have a problem with McCormick & Schmick's at the new Lincoln Square because the put the bathrooms in the corner of the restaurant in the middle of a bunch of tables (anybody up for a quick trip to the bathroom? try navigating your way through 15 tables of hungry diners bumping into their chairs all while concentrating on how much you don't want to wet yourself). The topic came up as the wine bar was all out of paper towels in the bathroom. There was some back-handed comment about wanting to take me camping to show me how to really "rough" it. Excuse me, but I *DO* go camping and have "roughed" it before. Is it too much to ask that there be paper towels stocked in the bathroom so that you can dry your hands before going back to your table? I think so.

This got us going on another topic of quality customer service and how it's going downhill. I'm of the mindset that if you go somewhere and are paying good money for food/drink/service, then you should get quality service. Am I the only one that expects this? Would you continue to go to a restaurant where you knew they had lousy service and/or horrible food? No. Perhaps I'm the only one that's being vocal about it. Oh, well, bitches! At least I'm the one that leaves a 20+% tip when I experience good service (I absolutely *LOATHE* my friends that calculate to the penny a 15% tip when we get stellar service, and often times end up leaving more money on the table to compensate for their inadequate tip).

I was also critiqued for employing a personal shopper at Nordstrom as well as someone to clean my apartment. I finally had to just tune the both of them out and concentrate on enjoying my glass of wine. I really think that was I thought was just allergies is turning into a cold. I'm more irritable now that I normally am. Go figure.

My friend Lizard

Have I told you about my friend Lizard? She used to be my drinking buddy and partner in crime until she got preggers on my ass (and, for those inquiring minds that want to know: she swears she saw a "taco" on her last ultrasound, so she's pretty sure she's having a baby girl, currently nick-named Fetus. FYI.) For the record she's the one with whom I got shit-faced at Trader Vic's--not once but twice. Perhaps my body can enjoy the respite until she finally pops. T minus six months and counting...

Anyway, this is a _SHOUT OUT_ to her. Oh, and thank you for waiting for me at the Kelly Clarkson concert while I was backstage meeting her. Maybe next time you play Brain Age or Sudoku on the DS you'll find the stylus tucked away in the back? LOL!

*HOLLA!*

Ok, Rachel, where is your blog?

I'm still waiting. Hopefully I can light a fire under your ass with this post.

Or not.

Cool beans!

The Kelly Clarkson concert was AWESOME! If you enjoy listing to Kelly on the radio or watching her sing on TV, you would love the concert. We had second row seats and couldn't have had a better location.

Rooney opened up for her (they were really good!) We weren't sure what to expect since nobody had ever heard of them. Since it was their last concert of a two-year trek, everybody was playing practical jokes on everybody else. During Rooney's opening act, Kelly's band kept coming out and playing with Rooney (taking up-close photographs while they were performing, turning the drummer's platform around, throwing water balloons, etc.)

After the twenty minute intermission it was time for Kelly to start her act. Her voice is SO powerful--I almost forgot hot much girlfriend could since. Just when she was getting comfortable and doing her thang on-stage out came Rooney with their jokes. There was a time when Kelly was singing on stage and the next thing we know we see a guy in a gorilla suit coming up behind her. It really freaked her out--enough so that she stopped singing to catch her breath. It was great to see them having a fun time on the stage; we had fun watching them have fun on stage. She sang three or four songs that will be on her upcoming record set to come out next year (if the rest of the songs are as good as the ones that she sang she is going to have another platinum album when it releases!)

After the concert I was able to go backstage and meet her. Each of the fan club members was given few minutes with her and that time went by quickly! I don't really remember what we talked about other than her favorite expression "cool beans" and the like. She is a very petite person. I felt like I was going to snap her in half when I gave her a hug. Photos from backstage will forthcoming in a few days.

You can view the concert photos here.

Floating the river

Rachel strong-armed me into canceling my haircut and other erroneous things today to go float the river with her in Leavenworth. While I was a little hesitant at first to go (almost had a bad experience tubing when I was a kid), I had a great time. If you're interested in floating the Wenatchee river in Leavenworth, give River Riders a call. They're cheap and have floating the river down to a science. They also have something for everybody. Whether you're looking for class II/III or IV/V rivers, they have everything you'd ever want.

It was really relaxing.

Piss or get off the pot!

I'm tired of waiting for people to follow through with their promises (or should I call them empty promises?) How many times must you remind somebody of something that they've said they'd do only to get a million excuses as to why they haven't? When is enough, enough? We'll see. Perhaps when I quit bringing up the subject might they get a hint.

On a lighter note, I just realized today that I'm going to see Kelly Clarkson this Sunday at the White River Amphitheater. It should be a good concert. Since the tickets are coming from her fan club, I won't know where we're sitting until we get there. There's also a great chance that I'll be able to meet her backstage with her meet-n-greet--I should know more later this week if that is the case!

UPDATE: I received my confirmation email saying that I'll be meeting Kelly backstage after the show!